Im really stress

Why i couldn't express myself like others does. Why i couldn't face the problem myself. why can't i do the things that people does ! Why ! Asking myself quite a few times today. And i couldn't find the answer, rather running away from problems. Yes, i dont know how to express myself well infront of things. Cause i seriously dont know what should i react, or even what i am thinking in mind. Seriously you will think that only mad people think that way, im really going mad ! i dont know what's wrong with me ! I lost the cheerful character the one keep smiling. The me now isn't me. I dont even know what myself is talking about . One thing i know is, im venting my anger . I couldn't deny i have weird attitude towards. But who knows im bearing with everything. Even im not happy, i will just allow myself or even force myself to say im super happy about it ! Why no one know i doesn't like to be treated like a princess, a taitai !

This feeling ain't well at all ! why no one knows ! i silently cry inside my room and no one know . Out of this room, i have to listen to what those adults said, and smile and say, im happy of everything . When mum open my room door, i have to smile and secretly wipe my tears off, and reply what she said. that kind of feeling is totally bad ! Maybe by saying this way, you will think.. Why you must be so dramatic at times. But seriously, im just trying to express myself right now ! Not drama at all ! Why not you try it, when you are happy you try to act down. Infact deep in heart you are jumping around feel like express it out but you can't ! Or even when your lover rejected you in front of your face, and you need to smile and reply so that he/her wouldn't feel guitly, infact in your heart, you're crying like a baby ! So what is that kind of taste ? Yummy ? will you still put your thumbs up and say it's yummy ?

why i must i use fake smile to cover the real me

No way, i want to be straight forward. But for the sake of people and people, i bottle things up ! From my birthday till now, everything, everything that happen to me. I kept it like what. I couldn't express myself since the moment when i saw my friends holding the birthday cake. That kind of feeling i know i should feel very happy. but saying the truth i didn't From that day till now i didn't express myself, i didn't behave like me . I just neglect the character i should have. One time, two time and a few more times. I keep to myself, and i know i shouldn't say it out cause for the sake of people's smile. Rather keeping my smile than peoples'. I rather one person got hurted, got neglected feeling, got a locked up in a cage, Than a thousand souls accompanying me, when i doesnt feel alright too .

Can you see that im rather stress this few days. Im really stress. My mind is full with things and i doesnt know what iszit ! And seriously i dont know how to solve problems when i met . No one i could talk to, only XGBFF. I told mummy how i think, how i feel, she will think that im rather childish. but im just expressing myself for goodness sake ! And no one is listening ! Why this kind of feeling towards i dont feel nice at all. who knows in my heart, it stand for a thousand a billion cuts ! Im really really pain, im really really stress.

Dont ask me what im stressing about, i seriously dont know ! my mind is confuse ! i dont know what am i confuse about. I should be happy now ? Cause what i want i got it. And seriously this is more than enough but seriously im not happy at all. NOT AT ALL !

Understand peoples' heart. Im really really tired .
wo zhen de zhen de zhen de HEN FAN !

when i found out the real me, its full with dust. I want to find back the me.
Dont allow the tears to flow, the always smiling me.

PS: people, dont tell me what to do. Cause it's gonna just be words !
thanks for concern