It shows everything today.

Today i really have a bad day. HCT today make me stressed up, make me feel that I'm so lousy. I have been in this course for 3 weeks, but yet i don't know how to cut a straight line. Just a simple straight line I'm stuck the whole 4 hours by opening the four section and a straight cut. I don't know why. Beginning of the class, i was telling myself, " huiyu today you can't take short cut you have to learn this" And yes, i didn't take any shortcut, but i can't do things well :( I see my classmate everyone is bringing a smile on face and cutting the straight line, no one is complaining that it's difficult, but i just don't know why i can't cut it out.

I seriously think that I'm slow and lousy. Actually i expected myself to do well but end up i have all these. Why am i expecting so high about myself is because my parents didn't allow to join in the first place, and i really wish to prove to them that they are wrong. And now, i prove nothing. I can only say, i deserve all these and not listening to them to enter a course that i don't like. I wanted to show them, at least I'm not really lousy, at least I'm good at something. But now, i just prove that I'm lousier than before, cause even a straight line i couldn't get it.

Don't tell me I'm doing fine and great. I know that I'm not, cause it's not the ending i wanted. I doesn't know how to explain myself, but i just feel that i have nothing nice to talk about anymore. Do you think i should give up ? I dont know why when my tears flow out from my eyes, when my classmate asked me what happened, i feel really sucks. Yes, i admit i have the thinking to give up when i was cutting. I feel like throwing my sicssors on the floor and walk out. But i hold back and thing that i shouldn't waste my teacher effort on me. So i tried and tried. I still couldn't cut it out.

I think i'm really weak. You must be thinking, over this kind of things and you are crying like what. And yes, i'm really weak like whatever thing. When zhengwei told lu "5 year i saw her crying" I feel that actually i'm really not that strong. I mean, i'm not strong at all! As what mr ong told me today " this cutting is just to enjoy, not adding stress to you" But even my 4 section i can't even open it properly.

I just feel so so so lousy after that. I don't know how am i suppose to do and what am i suppose to do. But i have to ensure one thing, i really give all my attention in class, but i don't know why things will turn out this way :( I'm feel so so suck.

Sometimes, i really feel that being clever is really a nice thing. I'm not trying to judge things but i really wish to be a fast learner. I wish i have a brain that can help me out in everything. But it shows everything out today :( I will never deny that I'm slow and lousy anymore.

-Insert a Big sad face-

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I'm crying again. I know i should be strong, thanks people. I'm feeling abit better than before. At least i feel abit better ok. Thanks people, i really appreciate it by lending me your ears, and listening and seeing my tears drop from eyes, and giving me tissue papers. I hope tomorrow will be a better day :)